Take the world off your shoulders (and put it on me)
by FicBreatheAgain
Summary: Felicity isn't fine. She isn't fine at all, which is why she's sitting there, talking to Tommy's grave.


_She's fine, most of the time_  
_She takes her days with a smile_  
_But sometimes she falls down_  
_And if you hurt right now_  
_Then let it all come out_  
(Breathe - Ryan Star)

* * *

Felicity was sitting on the ground, her legs crossed under her as she started talking.

-Take care of her, Tommy. Look after her. Make sure she's happy. I'm so glad someone's there with her and I'm glad she's not alone. It makes it a bit easier... sort of.

These past months had been hell and she wasn't certain that she would be okay again but she was trying. She still remembered the look in Oliver's eyes when she had told him she was pregnant and she had known that this was his chance at redemption, his salute. He needed this, after all the people he had once lost and everything he had been going through. But they learned the hard way that life was unpredictable and Elizabeth Grace Queen was torn from their lives.

- I know we didn't know each other very well and that I shouldn't be bothering you with all of this but I needed to talk to someone. Thea always says that you were there for her when everyone thought Oliver was dead and Laurel loved you, so I figured you must have been a good guy. You were Oliver's best friend, although I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that because the Oliver you knew back then is not the one who came back from the island and he's definitly not the same anymore...

It was part of her fault that Tommy was dead. She thought about it often, how things would have been different if she had known about the second device, if she had been quicker. She knows Oliver blames himself too but, deep down, Felicity knows how much Tommy loved Laurel and she knew nothing would have stopped him from trying to save her, not even the Arrow. She had done the same thing for Oliver, when she had found him in the backseat of her car and when she had stabbed Slade with the mirakuru's cure to give him a chance to fight and save the city. Felicity takes a long breath, snapping out of her thoughts and clasps her hands together in an effort to stop them from shaking.

- But I trust you and I... I couldn't hope for anyone better to ask about this. People would probably think I'm crazy for talking to a grave but it doesn't bother me all that much anymore. I got used to it, with everything that have happened these past six months. And you probably noticed, the few times we've met, that I don't have a brain-to-mouth filter, it makes for very interesting conversations... Thea used to make fun of me because I would embarrass myself in front of important people everytime Oliver would introduce me as his girlfriend. Somehow, I was much more comfortable being his IT girl or his E.A... Not quite the same pressure, you know ?

She laughs softly but, it sounds fake, even to her own ears.

- But now... I've been on my fair share of magazines and gossip websites, Thea told me not to read anything that they said about me but I couldn't help myself... I don't know what's worse. The rumors or the pitying. They think they know everything and I'm so tired of everyone trying to tell me how I should feel or what I should do. I just... I need time. And, on top of that, I've been shutting Oliver out. Thea tried to make me go out, just shopping or coffee but I don't feel like it anymore... Diggle offered to train me, he thought it would help deal with this but it just makes me feel weak. Laurel and Sara tried to talk to me, or listen, more like it but I... I don't how to talk about it. I don't know what to say. Actually, that's not true, I talk to Roy. That should give you a pretty good idea of my state of mind, huh ?

Felicity had always loved the kid. He was stubborn and an idiot most of the time but he had a good heart and she saw a lot of Oliver in him. She definitely could see what Thea loved about him.

- He's been great. He doesn't say anything when I burst into tears at the most random things and he never forces me to do anything. He comforts me, sleeps on the couch at nights when Oliver's not here and he holds me when I have a nightmare... I know that's Oliver's job but he's the Arrow and the CEO and he has so much going on these days and honestly, I just think he can't bare to see me like this... It kills him.

Oliver would go on patrols almost every night, pressing a light kiss into her hair before leaving the Foundry and her heart would tighten in her chest because she wishes he was at home with her when she needed him. It was the only way he knew how to deal with the pain so she let him, but that didn't mean she stopped worrying or waiting up for him, even if she knew she needed the rest.

- I need to change that, we can't keep doing this. We need to be strong, together. That's why I came here today. Because I need someone to take care of her so I can take care of Oliver. I've been so wrapped up in my own pain that I forgot that he needs me too. And you know him, he'd rather kick someone's ass or punch a dummy (or Diggle) than express his feelings. But we need this. We need to start living again.

Five months ago, she had run into a building on fire, her comm link silent in her ear as all she could think of was that she needed to make sure Oliver was okay. Tears rolling down her cheeks, her legs barely supporting her, she had run like never before. Because she couldn't lose him. She had felt so relieved when she had spotted him coming out of the building, tired and slightly limping, that she had froze for a brief second before running to him. Next thing she knew, there was an explosion and Oliver's arms weren't enough to protect her this time.

Tell her I love her, will you ? Tell her that we always will, no matter what. Tell her all about her dad but please, keep it PG okay ? Let her know how much of a hero her daddy is and how much we miss her... My baby girl... And we miss you too, Tommy... We all do.


End file.
